Please note: This post has got nothing whatsoever to do with Achloryn. Do allow your heart rate to return to normal. Sheesh, people. We’re not even married.
So WoW and I were having one of THOSE conversations the other night.
You know, the ones where somebody says, “We need to talk,” and then the significant other gets all uncomfortable and itchy and suddenly worries that The End Is Near.
In that same way, WoW got itchy and uncomfortable. (It didn’t; apparently I was just in the middle of one of those thrice-bedamned automatic update things that Windows thrusts upon you.) The following conversation ensued:
Oh, WoW, no! The End is not, in fact, Near. I do not want to breakup with you, WoW. We just need to work on our relationship here a bit.
See, there’s these…things… you do. And they’re not deal breakers, I promise! We talked about our Deal Breakers, right? And you promised you would never, ever require me to spend time PvPing as a fire mage (OMG THE NIGHTMARES) or ogle that other, much prettier hunter while I could see you. But there’s these annoying little quirks you have, and we need to hash them out.
It started to irritate whenever I lost my focus target anytime I got on a vehicle. I know you like to tease, and it isn’t that big of a deal when it’s just me. After all, my MD macro always defaults to Jake, doesn’t it? But… in Dragon Soul? Can I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve sent aggro to poor Jake instead of Achloryn in his BigBadHairyBear form on the slimes around Yor’sahj because of that. Why can’t you just let me focus?
And you promised to support me in my educational goals, remember? I don’t know why you want to annoy me with all those Rokk dailies – WoW, they are starting to grate. I only have ONE recipe left to finish in order to be entirely finished with Hail to the Chef! and I just want to be done already. Why has this become such an issue in our relationship, WoW? We used to me so much more. And yet, every day, I am sent to the end of the frikkin’ world to get you what you want. Netherstorm? Blade’s Edge? I am bending over backward for these fish barrels, and I’m getting tired of always being the one doing the cooking.
Speaking of fish, WoW… Sharptooth. You know exactly what I’m talking about. I don’t need to say anything more.
And then, all the frogs! Thousands upon thousands of frogs! I have been searching for that One Frog almost every day. Even with the macro that you so obligingly allow me to use, it takes so many frogs. I run and run, and then there are trails of woebegone, smitten amphibians following desolately behind me, while I desperately run on to the next one, and the next one, and the next one, and the next one, constantly in search of that One Frog, that Frog Above All Other Frogs, who will magically give me my heart’s desire, all while shouting behind me to the Frog Entourage, “It’s not you, it’s me!” and other such spirit-bolstering (and untrue) things.
But WoW, it… it was them. They weren’t who they promised to be. They promised to change, and then nothing. Is that what we are becoming, WoW? Stuck in a never-ending cycle of fish and frogs and focus lost? Nothing left to give each other but useless stacks of Sharptooth and pieces of broken barrels?
I don’t even know who you are anymore.
Maybe you’re right. Maybe we should start seeing other people.
Please note: The previous conversation didn’t actually happen. This is fiction, people. FICTION.